


I love you when you're singing that song

by orphan_account



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Christmas AU, Christmas Fluff, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Insecure Louis, M/M, hmmm, holiday fluff, i don't know what else to put, i guess, i suck at tags aha, louis is oblivious, really fluffy stuff here, tons of fluff legit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-30
Updated: 2013-12-30
Packaged: 2018-01-06 19:28:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1110642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Christmas AU where Louis and Harry drive in a blizzard, Harry makes mix CD's, the car breaks down, Louis is oblivious, singing ensues, Harry is wonderful, something with a boulder, also tons of fluff. Literally tons of it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I love you when you're singing that song

**Author's Note:**

> the title is from the song riptide by vance joy
> 
> hey so this is my first fic so i hope you don't think it's total shit and this is posted after christmas (i really tried to finish before) but listen things don't work out sometimes okay just you gotta deal with that like go with the flow and junk
> 
> (this is fluff, and pining like a lot of pining and harry is wonderful and louis is oblivious and stuff)
> 
> also i'm canadian so i'm sorry if the uk stuff is wrong or messed up (and this isn't beta'd so sorry for any mistakes)
> 
> check me out on tumblr [gardenlouis](http://gardenlouis.tumblr.com) :)
> 
> i hope you enjoy!

Harry’s mix CD of mostly indie bands – which Louis would never admit to liking –, plays through the speakers softly, adding a calm vibe throughout Louis’ shitty old car.

Louis’ brows furrow as he tries to look through the snow covered windshield, the wipers being of no help. He loves this time of year usually, the clean look of the snow, the way you can see your breath when it gets frozen outside, the cozy blankets, the steaming hot chocolate, snowball fights. Now he usually enjoys this weather, but since he has to drive two hours to a party he doesn’t even want to go to in this blizzard like weather well, that makes the weather not so enjoyable.

 “Thanks again,” he says to Harry who’s sitting in the passenger’s seat. Harry turns toward him, looking up from the floor. “Lou,” he starts, “For the hundredth time, I’m your best friend of course I’d come, you don’t need to keep thanking me.”

Louis sighs to himself. He knows he’s being a right idiot about this, but he’s got a reason to be nervous, a reason to be scared, and a reason for his hands to shake on the steering wheel. He just doesn’t want Harry to know. If Harry thinks the shaking is from the cold, so be it.

The fact that Louis’ mum is making him go to a party with people he hasn’t seen for years (by choice, for a good reason, really) doesn’t make her a bad person, no. She doesn’t know the reason why he’s so adamant about not going and that’s fine really because he’s never been one to talk about his feelings openly. That’s why when he came out to his mum he had to repeat it about 6 times before she could hear him through his mumbling and stuttering. She loved him all the same anyway, so it didn’t really matter, but Louis still doesn’t tell his mum everything.

Louis doesn’t want to tell Harry why because he knows he’d say something about it and Louis just wants to get it over with. He couldn’t go alone though, because he knows that he’d probably end up having an anxiety attack or something.

“M’sorry, it’s just these parties are always so fucking stupid.” He explains, biting his lower lip.

Harry looks away from Louis to stare out the window. “S’not going to be stupid with me there. I’m the life of the party.” Louis can hear the smirk in Harry’s voice.

He chuckles lightly as he swats Harry’s arm.

“Wanker.”

“Hey! No hitting the life of the party!” Harry laughs, causing Louis to join in, filling the emptiness of the car with giddy smiles.

“You’re such a dork.” Louis smiles, turning toward Harry, noticing that he was staring at him, green eyes mesmerised, and reaches up to touch his face. “Have I got something on me?”

Harry shakes his head vigorously. “No, you’re good.”

Louis smiles fondly at Harry, “Such a dork.”

 

 

“So, why are these parties so stupid?” Harry finally asks while sitting on his hands to warm them up. Louis stiffens at the wheel, swallowing hard.

“Every year one of our old neighbours has a holiday party and always invites my family. The last time I went I was 13.”

“Well then why are you going this year, without your family?”

“My mum is making me go so I thought if I brought you it would be tolerable. She’s busy with the girls anyway.” Louis replies, his forced grip on the steering wheel not letting up. He can see Harry’s curious face from the corner of his eyes. Louis knows he’s acting strange for such a normal question, but he can’t help it.

Harry faces Louis then, brows furrowing “Why are the parties so stupid then, Lou?”

Louis goes uncomfortable under Harry’s stare. He really hates lying to Harry; thankfully he has the road to watch instead of having to look into his very, very green eyes.

“Uh, it’s just a bunch of drunken old people and some kids I’ve lost touch with. Pretty boring actually.”

 Harry’s brows untwine, but his face stays the same, curious. “You know, we don’t have to stay that long.”

“Yeah, okay.” Louis agrees, grip loosening slightly on the steering wheel.

He hopes that Harry didn’t notice.

 

 

“This house is bloody huge!” Harry exclaims while getting out of the car, hunching his back to avoid the snow flurries going in his face. The house, or should Louis say mansion, was in fact big. If he can remember they have about four rooms that they don’t even use. What a bloody waste, he thinks.

Louis wrings his hands together while walking towards the mansion. “Come on, Curly.” He beckons, trying to make his voice sound as normal as possible while inside, his stomach is twisting with nerves. Harry catches up to him, both of them frozen in the chilled air and buckets of snow pouring down on them. Louis knocks hesitantly as if there was a hungry tiger on the other side of the door that hadn’t eaten for a week.

“Hey,” Harry puts his hand on Louis shoulder gently, the action spreading warmth to Louis body. “We can leave whenever, yeah?”

Louis looks over at Harry gratefully. He always knows when something’s wrong. Sometimes it’s a good thing like now, unless he starts to pry. For now, Louis is thankful for his sixth sense. “Yeah, whenever.”

They lock eyes and Louis’ breath hitches. Sometimes it happens and he doesn’t even realize he’s done it until it’s too late. He knows it isn’t a normal thing to do when looking at your best friend. He knows it isn’t normal to think of cupping his cold hands around Harry’s flushed coloured cheeks and pressing his lips into his own. He knows that those big green eyes shouldn’t create an ache the size of a boulder in his heart, but it does. It’s not Louis’ fault that Harry has snowflakes in his hair, or that he still has his arm on Louis’ shoulder, radiating heat in the cold.

It really isn’t his fault, honest.

 Suddenly the door flies open, making their eyes break contact and Harry’s hand to fall back to his side, creating the boulder in Louis heart to grow bigger, weighing it down so it’s settled in his lungs.

“Louis! Great to see you! You look so grown up, so different! Come in.” Mrs. Akins gushes, motioning for the two boys to enter her home. They enter and Louis suddenly feels his nerves rise up in his chest; the ache of the too big boulder in his lungs isn’t helping.

“Oh, are you one of Louis friends?” she asks Harry, grinning like mad.

“Yeah, ‘m Harry, nice to meet you.” Harry glances down to Louis, with questioning eyes as if to say ‘ _she’s nice, what’s so bad about her?_ ’

“Well, all the kids are in the living room so you two go have fun!” Mrs. Akins calls while rushing towards the kitchen, probably to continue babbling with the group of women held up in there already. Harry starts moving towards the living room, shortly noticing that Louis isn’t walking with him.

“Louis, you coming?”

Louis has his cheeks pulled in, eyes glazed over while looking around the front hall. “Yeah, right behind you.” He said softly.

He sounded miles away.

“Hey Tommo!” Dan calls from a group of people Louis barely remembers. He smiles tightly, while he and Harry enter the room. “Hey, Dan.”

Dan makes his way over to the two boys, grinning. “How are you? I haven’t seen you in years! Where the fuck ya been?” He reaches over to Louis, giving him a one armed hug.

Louis mouth twitches “I’m alright.” He manages, while pulling back from the quick embrace.

Louis notices Harry’s eyes on him. He knows he’s not acting like himself, the same way he knows that he shouldn’t have feelings for his best friend. Louis doesn’t have a choice though, if he wants to get through this shit show. He’s hoping they can leave as soon as possible.

“So, how’s life? Anything new in the relationship department?” Dan asks, it’s pretty noticeable how he’s drunk already.

“N-no, nothing new really.” Louis replies shakily, not daring to look in Harry’s direction “Oh, uh this is my friend, Harry.” He quickly remembers to introduce him. Harry reaches forward to shake Dan’s hand politely, saying “Nice to meet you.”

Dan shakes back enthusiastically, “Nice to meet ya, Harry!” “Oh and don’t worry Louis” he adds as an afterthought, “You’ll find a sweet girl, hey there are some around here, why don’t you go mingle!”

Louis teeth clench as he sucks in a sharp breath of air. Why did he have to say it, in front of Harry? Why couldn’t he have talked about something else? Of course Dan is drunk and he does know how to talk out of his ass. Of course Dan isn’t trying to talk out of his ass because he still thinks Louis likes fucking girls, of course everyone here still thinks that because what bloody reason would they have to think differently.

“M’alright.” Louis replies simply, knowing Harry is staring at him, eyes wide in shock. Louis didn’t want to tell him because he knows Harry will make a big deal out of it when it really isn’t one. He knows he’s going to have to explain what’s happening to Harry because he can’t stand that lost look on his face, even though it still makes Louis breathless and also makes the boulder push into his lungs once more.

Suddenly, Harry is pulling at Louis’ arm, leading him out of the room while managing a “See you later.” to Dan. Louis’ let the tension in his body drain for a second before Harry takes him into one of the bedrooms on the first floor. They both take a seat on the bed. Louis clasps his hands together, fidgeting, waiting for Harry to get on with it.

“Louis why don’t you want them to know you’re gay?” Harry asks, hesitantly after a moment of silence.

Louis brings his knees up to his chin trying to avoid meeting Harry’s eyes. He doesn’t really want to talk about it because he knows how Harry’s going to react.

“Why don’t you want them to know, Lou?” Harry asks again softly, placing one of his hands onto Louis knee.

Louis looks at Harry’s hand for a moment before forcing a laugh and saying “You’re hands are huge.”

Harry frowns at Louis avoiding the question. “Lou,” he says.

 “What do you want me to say, Harry? That these people that I’ve known for most of my childhood are close-minded, judgmental people, who would throw me out of here if they found out that if I liked boys?” Louis says, trying to play it off, yet his voice drains at the end of his sentence.

Of course Harry can see through Louis like he’s looking through a damn window. Harry sighs, still intently looking at him.

“Is that why you haven’t come here since you were 13?” He asks, still speaking quietly as if talking at a normal level will shatter some invisible glass around them, sealing in the conversation. Louis quickly glances at Harry for a second. He can’t put up a front with Harry, he knows he can’t.

“These guys beat up kids that were gay, Harry.” Louis says in a small voice.

“There was this boy down the block from us, he was popular, had a lot of mates, everyone liked him. Then one day he tells his best friend he likes boys. Next thing you know he’s got broken bones and nowhere to live.”

Louis doesn’t look up until it’s been silent for a while. Harry’s looking at him intently as Louis meets his gaze.

He thinks that Harry looks how winter feels.

“Louis, that’s…they are horrible people, they weren’t right to do that.” Harry says sincerely, rubbing Louis knee with his thumb, gently.

_Back and forth_

_Back and forth_

_Back and forth_

Louis swallows. “I know, but like I always feel like there’s something wrong with me. They probably fucked with my head when I was younger, that being like this is wrong and all that shit.”

“There isn’t anything wrong with you. Not in the slightest!” Harry remarks, a serious tone in his eyes. Louis looks away from the sparkling green because that too big boulder has crawled right up from his lungs into his throat. It fucking aches that Harry is being so understanding, so nice and that Louis can’t do anything about it. It’s so bloody aching.

“Why didn’t you tell your mum this? She wouldn’t have made you come, you know that.” Harry mumbles after a few beats of Louis’ heart.

“Yeah I know, but I just…I thought I could handle it. I didn’t want to disappoint her.” Louis hates it that he can’t explain himself in words, and that he just wants to reach into his brain and toss all of them onto the floor for Harry to see, to understand exactly what he always means to say.

Harry pulls Louis into a hug, wrapping his arms around his shoulders, Louis knees still in the middle of the two boys. “You don’t have to be strong all the time, Lou.” Harry’s breath spreads warmth to Louis’ ear as he whispers in a low rumble of comfort.

Louis doesn’t realize he’s shaking until Harry starts squeezing him tighter, Louis letting his knees fall from between them.

“I’m sorry Harry, I’m such a twat.” He says, holding back the tears that are burning in his eyes.

Louis brain is hammered with insults and that being different is wrong and feeling like this about your best friend is wrong. Wanting to kiss your friend is wrong. Wanting this is wrong. But it isn’t, Louis knows it isn’t, but it still feels wrong. It’s like two sides of his brain are at war, both making his thoughts jumbled.

His eyes are tired of fighting back the tears so he lets them loose. He sounds horrible as he lets out a voice cracking sob. Louis is embarrassed that he’s crying in a house of assholes that he hasn’t been to since he was 13, in some random bedroom.

But Harry is here and he’s holding him so tightly that Louis doesn’t have the mind to care that he’s soaking Harry’s coat.

“You’re wonderful.” Harry says simply, tracing shapes on Louis back like he has done many times before.

Harry holds Louis like that for another couple of minutes letting him get out all of the tears his mind is causing. Pulling back, Harry’s face looks broken as he looks over at Louis.

Then he suddenly asks, “Can I tell you something really weird?”

Louis eyes grow wider with interest, “Yeah, Haz.” He manages, his voice clogged.

Harry pulls at his fingers subconsciously, while looking up at Louis’ face.

“When you cry it reminds me of the oceans waves because you know, you’re eyes are blue like the ocean.”

Louis is stricken. That was one of the most lovely (and cheesiest, but I mean come on its _Harry_ of course he would say something like that) things he has ever heard. He opens his mouth to say something then shuts it again, turning his head, thinking.

“Very, poetic.” He says finally, salty waves still forming in his eyes.

Harry barks out a laugh – face flushed from his comment – of course causing Louis to join in, while in the process of wiping his eyes.

_There isn’t anything wrong with you_

There isn’t anything wrong with him.

_You don’t have to be strong all the time, Lou_

Harry’s words are echoing in his head.

_You’re wonderful_

He should stop thinking about them.

“You’re wonderful too, Harry.” Louis says voice hoarse.

Harry’s laughter trailed off, face bright and red. He looks over to Louis, his full lips forming a small private smile. “Thanks, Lou.” he breathes softly.

As Louis meets Harry’s eyes he has the urge to cry again because Harry is making him feel all these things he doesn’t understand. He doesn’t ever let his brain think about it because he’ll just end up contemplating the meaning of love.

Harry snaps Louis out of his thoughts when he stands from the bed, waiting for Louis to do the same. “Let’s get out of here.” he murmurs, sending a comforting smile.

Louis slowly stands from the bed, legs a bit weak from his body letting out the ocean’s waves just minutes ago.

Harry leads him out of the room, looking around about two times before taking his elbow and pulling him gently towards the front door. Louis is grateful because he wants to get out of there undetected and that leaves another pang at the too big boulder because of course Harry knows that.

Once they reach their destination, opening the door, the chilling snow smacks them in the face. They hurry towards Louis’ shitty car and slam the doors, quickly so, to not let anymore of the cold weather in.

“S’not so bad.” Harry offers, slipping his hands in the sleeves of his thick coat. Louis sighs heavily, releasing himself of the tension he had in the house.

The thought of having to tell his mum why he left or what his problem is makes him shutter internally, but he starts the engine anyway, pulling away from his childhood he wishes he could forget.

 

 

It’s been half an hour of driving and the snow isn’t letting up. It’s getting harder to see through the windshield as well as trying to drive though inches of it. Louis is getting more and more frustrated, I mean sure he loves the snow, he loves how beautiful it looks falling from the sky, so eloquent and just as close to magic as this world is going to get. Right now though, he’s not too fond of the snow blocking his view, making the world around them colder than it’s been all winter.

Harry leans forward and lowers the music playing inside the car. “Why’d you do that?” Louis asks, still trying to concentrate on the road (it isn’t even a bloody road anymore everything is white).

“I thought we could talk or something.”

“Well, what would you like to talk about, Harry?”

“Do you remember last year when we were decorating your Christmas tree and you knocked it over trying to put the angel on top of it?”

Louis scoffs. “Hardly. It was an unstable tree, the bottom wasn’t even!”

Harry chuckles. “Lou, you went down with it remember?”

“That angel was horrifyingly ugly anyway, should’ve smashed the fucking thing a long time ago. Me mum got it at a garage sale for god sakes!” Louis remarks, waving his hand around to emphasize his point.

Harry full on burst’s out laughing at that, making his knees spring up as he cackles away. Louis turns to him then, wanting to soak up the way he looks. Harry’s cheeks are flushed against his ghostly skin, making his bright eyes light up his face. His pink lips practically reaching his ears.

Harry looks like fucking Christmas.

Louis turns his vision back to the road as Harry is trying to breathe after his fit.

Suddenly there’s a sputtering sound.

Then a bang.

And then the car stops.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.” Louis mutters, angrily as he bangs his head against the steering wheel several times. After that he gets out of the car, braving the blizzard outside. Louis trudges to the front of the car, opening the top. He’s met with a thick black fog of smoke. It ventures into his throat and nose, making his lungs burn. He backs away quickly and enters a coughing fit as another door slam and in an instant Harry is beside him.

“Are you okay?” Harry asks eyes wide with worry. He pats Louis on the back as he tries to breathe, coughs from the smoke getting in the way.

“M’peachy.” Louis finally sputters after heaving up his lungs. Why couldn’t he have coughed out that too big boulder instead, it wouldn’t have been missed.

Both the boys practically run back into the car because ‘ _holy shit it’s freezing_ ’ and Louis doesn’t have gloves and his hands are shaking from the cold this time. The heat in the car isn’t on anymore, (because it’s broken and Louis wants to murder it with a chainsaw) but it’s better than nothing.

“Stupid fucking car…” He hurriedly checks his phone.

No service.

“We’re not going anywhere.” Louis sighs, his anger draining from him being replaced with hopelessness. They aren’t going to get a tow out in the middle of nowhere in a snow storm even if there was service.

Harry pouts, sticking his juicy bottom lip out (oh god did Louis really think of Harry’s lips as juicy, god help him.) “Well, what are we going to do?” he asks.

Louis thinks intently. The closest place they could walk to is a diner he last saw on the way to the party. It would take hours to walk there probably, and in this weather they’d get frostbite and die in the middle of the snow and no one would find their bodies and a random animal would eat them with no mercy for the poor human beings, and they wouldn’t have a proper burial and their families would cry and say what idiot boys they are getting stuck in a blizzard. (okay so maybe Louis is overacting but he blames it on the too big fucking boulder messing with his emotions all the time.)

“I think there’s a diner a few miles away, but we’d probably die walking there.” Louis sighs, pulling at his cheeks in frustration.

Harry scrunches up his face, like he always does when he’s thinking. “Well…” He starts “We could stay here in the car until the snow lets up; I reckon it’ll die down soon then we can start walking.” Harry suggests, sitting on his hands like he did before.

“Alright well what can we do in the meantime?” Louis wonders aloud. I mean they can’t use the radio or anything and nothing in his car is entertaining.

Harry shrugs, and then lifts his head up, eyes lighted again. “We could sing Christmas songs!” he exclaims. Louis groans and rolls his eyes. Of course Harry’s idea of entertainment is singing carols. Harry full on pouts at Louis again, making his eyes go big and sad. He knows that Louis can’t say no to him when he does that.

Louis groans again then says “Fucking hell Harry you’re such a manipulative dick.” which gives Harry the cue to start singing ‘ _Winter Wonderland’_.

His voice is deep and gruff, and it makes Louis insides turn to mush and he curses at himself for being so taken.

_Sleigh bells ring, are you listening,_

_In the lane, snow is glistening_

_A beautiful sight,_

_We're happy tonight,_

_Walking in a winter wonderland_

“Come on, sing with me Lou.” Harry pleads, tugging at Louis coat. He shakes his head; he’s so self-conscious singing with Harry because his voice is so amazing while Louis sounds like a squeaky mouse.

_Gone away is the bluebird,_

_Here to stay is a new bird_

_He sings a love song,_

_As we go along,_

_Walking in a winter wonderland_

Harry looks at him again with puppy dog eyes and fuck it fine he’ll sing cheesy Christmas songs with him because it’s _Harry_ for god sakes.

_In the meadow we can build a snowman,_

_Then pretend that he is Parson Brown_

_He'll say: Are you married?_

_We'll say: No man,_

_But you can do the job_

_When you're in town_

They sing together, voice complimenting each other with Harry’s low tuned voice and Louis’ high and gentle, mixing together like hot chocolate, warm and sweet.

_Later on, we'll conspire,_

_As we dream by the fire_

_To face unafraid,_

_The plans that we've made,_

_Walking in a winter wonderland_

Harry stops singing to let Louis have a verse, Louis face scrunches up at the start of it, wondering why Harry isn’t singing with him.

_In the meadow we can build a snowman,_

_And pretend that he's a circus clown_

_We'll have lots of fun with mister snowman,_

_Until the other kids knock him down_

_When it snows, ain't it thrilling,_

_Though your nose gets a chilling_

_We'll frolic and play, the Eskimo way,_

_Walking in a winter wonderland_

_Walking in a winter wonderland,_

_Walking in a winter wonderland_

They sing the rest together in harmony, locking eyes on the last line. Louis chest goes bubbly and all he can think is Harry’s voice is so gorgeous and his eyes are so _greengreengreen_. He looks and looks until he forces himself to turn away.

Apparently it prompts Harry to speak. “We sound good together, yeah?”  It’s more of a statement than a question, but none the less Louis replies.

“Yeah, I guess. You’re amazing without me, you know that.”

“Louis.” Harry tuts, shaking his head.

“What?” Louis’ eyebrows furrow in question. Harry just shakes his head again mumbling a “Nothing.” But Louis isn’t one to give up.

“Come on, Harry, what are you thinking?” Louis pushes, turning his body to face him. Harry counters by bringing his hands to his face to shut Louis out. He pokes Harry’s arm again and again until he hears Harry, muffled by his hands. “Don’t know why you’re so hard on yourself. Your voice is spectacular.”

Louis bites his bottom lip, unsure of what to say. He feels the blood rush to his cheeks, insides feeling giddy and he curses at himself again for acting like he has a high school crush. He can’t say ‘ _no I’m actually not_ ’ because Harry will just whine at him to accept that he is and he’d really rather avoid that situation.

“Alright, alright.” He mutters, crossing his arms, trying to warm himself up. The cold from outside seeps in between the cracks and spaces of the old metal, traveling through Louis’ skin and into his bones.

Harry gives him a look; eyes narrowed and mouth in a straight line. Louis doesn’t like that, he doesn’t like when Harry isn’t smiling or laughing or happy. He tugs at Harry’s arm until the look goes away and Harry shakes his head.

Louis thankfully remembers he has old blankets in his trunk, not even knowing why he put them in there for the first place, so again he minds the cold to get them. As he settles back inside he passes one of the blankets to Harry. Harry frowns when he puts it on himself, feeling the blanket between his too large fingers. Louis watches them intently, imaging how they would feel on his neck if they were to kiss.

“These blankets are too thin alone, need them both together.” Harry states already grabbing the one Louis has in his tiny hands. He looks at Harry with a confused expression.

“How are we going to use them together?” Louis asked, trying to find his answer in Harry’s face.

Harry smirks then, flicking his eyes from the blankets to Louis. He then throws them onto the backseats as he lifts his legs up, while turning his torso around, pushing himself towards the back of the car.

“Follow me.” He cheers as only his legs are the only thing left of him in the passenger’s seat. Louis laughs at Harry’s gangly body, too tall for the car, squeezing out of the front to the back.

“Come on, your turn then!” Harry calls his voice loud even though they are the only ones there. Louis puts his feet first through the opening of the front seat while stretching his back, using his arms to hold him up. He gets there safely as Harry immediately starts covering the both of them with a blanket then takes the other one and puts it over top the other. Louis thinks that most of the heat he’s feeling warm him up is from Harry not from the actual blankets, but he keeps that thought to himself.

Harry lifts his feet up, tucking them under his bum, away from the cold. Louis slots his head in between Harry’s head and shoulder finding that it fits there quite nicely. “S’warm.” He mumbles, breathing in Harry’s scent, tickling his insides. Harry wraps his arms around Louis, humming in agreement as they snuggle together under the covers, with the blizzard going on in the background. It’s so silent it’s almost as if time has stopped just for a moment. It’s quite soothing, really.

 

They fall asleep.

 

 

Louis opens his eyes slowly, his head groggy. It takes him a second to remember where he is and what’s happening. It takes him another second to realize Harry is still holding him, making soft little puffing noises as he sleeps. His hair has wilted a bit, lips slanted and half open. He feels fuzzy, watching Harry like this, so content and peaceful. He feels almost like he’s lucky to be able to watch him in these moments, where he’s just gone from the world, maybe dreaming, maybe just passed out.

Louis is such a fucking sap; he’s embarrassed by himself, honestly.

Soon Harry stirs, as he snuggles back into Louis side, pulling him tighter. Louis’ heart beats faster, nervous energy coursing through him. He looks out the window to see the snow has stopped, and shakes Harry’s arm a little. He makes a wining noise and furrows his brows.

“Haz, wake up it stopped snowing.” Louis says, sleep evident in his lower than usual voice. Harry turns away from Louis to stretch out his arms, yawning. Louis quickly misses the warmth on the side of his body, missing the curly headed boy that was tucked into him a second ago.

“We gunna leave?” Harry asks Louis, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

“We better.” Louis huffs. He really doesn’t want to walk all the way to the diner in the cold, but they really don’t have any other choice.

He goes to the front seat and opens the glove compartment. All filled with the memories he’s had with Harry. The tickets from the concerts they’ve went to, the stubs to films they had a laugh at or the ones Harry’s dragged Louis to, really sappy ones (which Louis will never admit to crying, but Harry’s seen he just doesn’t say anything.) and ones that make no sense, but he still goes, he always goes. All of Harry’s mix CD’s that he’s made Louis and Louis tells him he should stop making them because he never even listens to them (which is a total lie because Louis listens to them about 20 times once he gets them and never wants Harry to stop.) and Harry just pouts and says “Whatever, Lou.” And Louis has another one in his hands the next month.

Louis takes his bag and carefully fills it with the contents of the glove compartment, with all the memories of the stupid too tall boy in the backseat of his car.

“Got everything?” Harry asks, fingers wrapped around the handle of the door. Louis nods. They both open their doors, the wind still howling in the air, nipping at Louis’ ears and nose. He tells himself he’s so fucking stupid for not bringing damn gloves because his fingers will turn black and fall of and he only has himself to blame. He pulls his bag on his shoulder and starts trudging through the snow beside Harry.

Their feet fall into sync as they walk through the inches of snow, while the wind has died down from before. Louis doesn’t know what he’s going to tell his mum when he gets home, or if he gets home. He’s not really an optimist.

Sure, he doesn’t live with her anymore, but she can see the lie in his eyes from planets away. She knows when he doesn’t feel safe or when he feels nervous about things. She does she always knows even when Louis doesn’t want her to know. He’d met Harry when he and his family moved to Holmes Chapel. His mum got a better job offer there, while it had been a relief to get out of the community of brain washers.

Louis met Harry at school, although he was a little bit younger than Louis they still became friends. They’d have sleepovers, make forts, build snowman in the winter and raked piles of leaves together to jump in, in the autumn. Come high school Louis was feeling different about Harry, he didn’t know what it was, but he just felt his stomach tense up when he was around, or felt desire in his lower regions (we aren’t going to get into that.). After a while that’s when Louis came out to his mum, he was discovering himself, even though it was hard to admit, being told when he was a child that it was wrong. He didn’t know how his mum would react, but it was surprising to him when she gave him a huge hug and said how proud she was of him.

Basically Louis’ mum read it all over his face one day when he came home from school on a Wednesday, sitting down on the couch zoned out, thinking.

“Well, are you going to talk to me about it?”  Jay crossed her arms, peering down at her son. Louis snapped out of his daze and gave her a questioning look.

“Talk about what?” He asked totally unaware of what she was going on about. Jay took a seat next to Louis on the couch, putting her hands on her knees.

“Look, sweetie, I know something’s on your mind so you might as well tell me.” She said softer this time, knowing what was about to come next.

Louis took a breath, he didn’t really understand what he felt at the time, and he still is quite confused now because he doesn’t let himself think about it, but he told her anyway, because sooner or later she would find out. “I think, I sort of like, Harry?” he said, with question.

Jay smiled. “Lou, it’s okay to be confused about it, but really I think it’s wonderful.” She finished patting him on the knee, as she rose from the couch. “Take your time with it.” She called as she walked back to the kitchen.

His mum said it was normal so that was enough for him, although every year it got harder and harder to deal with. Louis had to be careful sometimes because of their close relationship he didn’t want to give anything away. Harry was straight and he didn’t like Louis so he had to make sure he didn’t do anything wrong. He didn’t want to mess up his friendship because Harry was so important to him; he cared about him so much.

When Louis came out to Harry it was not what he had expected. He thought Harry would be angry or frustrated or grossed out. Louis didn’t want to tell him, he didn’t know if Harry would want to be friends with him after that.

Louis and Harry were hanging around in Louis’ living room when he decided it was now or never.

“Hey, er, Harry I kind of wanted to tell you something.” Louis said nervously. Harry lifted his from the English homework he was doing.

“What is it?” Harry enquired. Louis took another breath, _come on Lou, now or never, now or never, now or never._

“Well, like, I, I’ve been meaning to tell you but, yeah. Well…” Louis closed his eyes, breathing out. “I-I’m gay.” He managed. He didn’t open his eyes yet because he didn’t know what he would see on Harry’s face. “I mean if you hate me now, or you don’t want to be my friend anymore I understand, it’s totally okay if you-” Louis rushed out.

Harry cut him off, causing Louis to open his eyes. “Louis, I’d never stop being your friend for that. Is that what you thought?” Harry eyes were on his, face twisted in concern.

Louis bit his bottom lip, nervous habit he guessed. “Well, I don’t know… I mean yeah I guess.” He replied, trying to give a decent answer.

Harry took his notebook off his lap, and in an instant, pulled Louis into a tight hug.He breathed a sigh of relief as he hugged Harry back. “I’ll always be here for you, Lou.”  Harry breathed out, making Louis hug him tighter.

As time went on they ended up going to the same uni in London together. Louis tried to meet other guys, tried to just shag anyone to get Harry out of his head, but no matter what he did, Harry was always there. His mind was non-stop _Harry Harry Harry Harry_ …

“Louis,” Harry calls, pulling Louis out of his thoughts. Louis’ blank stare vanishes as he looks over to Harry. “You know you pull in your cheeks a little when you’re concentrated.” Harry continues, smiling over at him. Louis feels heat spread through his chest, knowing Harry was watching him the whole time; Louis probably looked like a weirdo.

 

 

They’ve been walking for about an hour before Louis gets an idea. Discreetly as he can, he crouches down on the ground and gathers up some snow, forming some snowballs. Harry was still walking ahead of him, not noticing that Louis was gone yet. He took a snowball and aimed it at the curly mop of hair atop Harry’s head. It hit him dead on.

“Bulls eye!” Louis calls as Harry turns around, hand on where the snowball was smushed against his hair. He looks shocked, as Louis smirks at him. The next few seconds are fast paced, as Harry made some snowballs as well, firing them at Louis who is hurriedly trying to dodge them while throwing his own.

“Give up, Curly!” Louis shouts, face turned so no snow get onto it as another snowball whizzes past him.

Louis counters by shooting a snowball at Harry’s long legs, causing him to jump out of the way, barely escaping. “Never!” Harry shouts back, wild smile plastered on his face.

They continue like that for a couple more minutes until they were falling over themselves laughing, making it hard for them to throw anything.  Louis ventures over to Harry, both their faces flushed. Louis thinks that it makes Harry look even more gorgeous.

They continue to walk, Louis shaking from the cold, in hindsight it wasn’t really a good idea to have a snowball fight without gloves on. He’s trying to get warmth from his coat pockets, even though that hasn’t been working for a while.

“Hey, you cold?” Harry asks, looking over at Louis’ vibrating frame.

“Not really.” Louis replies, trying to hide the fact that his teeth are chattering. Harry sighs.

“Lou, you’re shaking.” He states like he thinks Louis is that dense.

Louis huffs out some cold air, pulling his hands out of his pockets. “Alright I’m frozen, but my hands aren’t even that red.” He says as his surveys his tomato red skin.

“They’re ice cold, lemme help.” Harry says as he takes Louis hands and captures them in his, rubbing his hands over Louis’, to warm them up. Louis breath catches as Harry does so because holy shit he’s holding his hands. Well not technically, but it’s enough for the too big boulder to make another appearance in Louis lungs. Heat spreads from his stomach all the way to the tips of his fingers and he can’t take how lovely Harry is, how it gives Louis butterflies.

“Thanks.” Louis gets out, regretfully pulling his hands away from Harry’s. Harry furrows his brows, with confusion. Louis has to stop letting himself feel this way, he has to get over it. They start walking again picking up the pace, because it’s starting to get darker.

After about another 20 minutes of walking, Louis is falling behind Harry because of his long legs. He’s trying to keep up when all of a sudden his foot catches on a hidden branch in the snow. In an instant he hits the ground with a yelp, snow cold against the side of his face as his leg stings in pain. Harry whips around at the sound calling “Louis!” as runs to his side, kneeling down beside him.

“Lou, are you okay?” Harry asks, worry threaded through his voice. “Oh, god you’re bleeding!” He exclaims. Harry pulls off his scarf and folds it, holding it against Louis head. Louis’ eyes squeeze together, baring the pain on his face.

Harry carefully pulls Louis up, taking his body weight as they hobble over to a big boulder (what a fucking coincidence) to sit on. Harry sets him down gently then taking a seat beside him. Louis swears under his breath a couple times. “That fucking hurt.” He’s breathless, the fall and pain knocking the wind out of him.

Harry is still holding the scarf up to Louis’ forehead, soaking up all of the blood. “That’s a good scarf, Harry, don’t ruin it for me.” Louis says, looking at Harry’s hand holding the material. Harry shakes his head dismissively.

“Lou, you’re hurt, ‘course I’d ruin it for you.” He smiles, huffing a laugh. Louis looks up at him fondly; taking in how dishevelled he looks. His curls are patted down, while his face is flushed against his canvas skin. Of course Harry looks so beautiful like this, so simple. Louis realizes how fucking shitty he must look, and after falling like an idiot.

Harry pulls the scarf away, the bleeding stopped. Louis looks down at his leg. It still hurts a bit, but he can manage. “I look like crap.” Louis mumbles, raking his hands in his hair a little forcefully. Harry catches his wrist, taking his hand from his hair to his side.

“Lou, don’t. Look we’re gunna get there soon.” Harry encourages, placing his arm around Louis’ shoulder, hugging him lightly. Louis’ chest gets tight, everything inside him spinning like a tornado. It doesn’t help that he’s sitting on an actual too big boulder. He pushes Harry off of it, not that forceful.

“The fuck was that?” Harry asks confusion clear in his voice as he looks at Louis to explain. Louis stands up abruptly, turning away from him. He clears his throat, so not to cry again.

“Let’s go.” Louis gruffs as he starts to walk away, only limping slightly. He hears Harry trailing behind him slowly, so not to keep up with him. Louis sighs, wishing the pit in his stomach could be filled by something other than the too big boulder.

 

 

30 minutes later and they’re walking side by side, sky even darker than before. Louis peers over at Harry; his face is scrunched up like it is when he’s thinking. “Harry?” Louis asks after looking over at him for a while. Harry’s eyebrows rise as he’s brought back to reality and out of his head. He turns his head to Louis, eyes scanning over his face.

“I wanted to say sorry for being an arsehole.” Louis says thoughtfully. Harry’s facial features soften as he hears him. “S’alright, Lou Lou.” He replies.

“Hey!” Louis whines, as Harry breaks out into a grin. Louis chuckles at him, he looks like his face is about to break in two. Harry lifts his head and his eyes go wide. Louis bunched his brows together “What?”

Harry takes Louis by the shoulders and spins him around, “We made it!” he exclaimed. Louis is a little dizzy from the action, but cheers with him none the less “We didn’t die!” he enveloped Harry in a hug with a force that almost causes them to fall over. Harry laughs fondly at Louis as they make their way to the diner.

  

 

They’ve been sitting in a booth in the corner for about 20 minutes now. They called a tow first on the payphone outside, then called Jay to let her know what happened. She can’t pick them up because she’s about 6 hours away at a party with the girls and Harry’s mum, Anne. Harry tried his sister Gemma (“You boys are complete idiots getting stuck in a snowstorm.”) and she agreed to pick them up, although it was going to take about one or two hours.

Louis surveys his surroundings, finding that there was really nothing else to do. There was a waitress behind the counter, reading a book, a man enjoying some pancakes, two elder ladies sipping their cocoa, two girls about their age and 3 guys, looking like they got stuck here in the cold as well. Other than that the place was empty well because there was a huge snowstorm going on outside and Louis thinks that people can live without pancakes for a day or so.

He turns his head back to face Harry, but Harry isn’t there. Louis looks around to see Harry talking to the waitress at the cash register. The girl put her book down and is smiling while twirling her hair. Harry laughs at something she said, making her blush. It’s not like Louis is jealous or anything, he has no urge to go over there and tell that girl ‘ _Sorry, but Harry here is mine, so I’d like you to please fuck off_.’ And just plant a big kiss on his lips.

But Louis isn’t jealous

Harry isn’t his.

Louis isn’t Harry’s.

And Harry will never like Louis because he’s straight and he flirts with waitresses. Louis has a crush on someone that doesn’t want him back and the reality of the situation that he’s gotten himself into hits harder than the too big boulder ever will.

He snaps back into reality when Harry walks back to the booth, cheeky smile and all. Louis wants to smack that smile off his face then he’d end up apologize afterward, but he won’t because he isn’t jealous.

“What’s wrong, Lou?” Harry asks, seeing the discontent on Louis face. He tries to make himself look normal.

“Nothing’s wrong.” He replies, plastering a smile on his face. Harry doesn’t drop his stare from Louis, sensing that something’s off.

“So! What are we going to do?” Louis changes the subject because he really doesn’t want Harry to pry because Louis knows he’ll just start crying.

Harry’s face doesn’t leave its concerned state as plates are set down in front of them. Louis looks up surprised to see the waitress giving them pancakes, bacon and eggs (it’s a diner.). He shoots Harry a puzzled look, but Harry just says “Thank you,” with a dimpled smile to the girl as she sets down his plate.

Louis waits for the girl to retreat before saying “What?” to Harry because what else is there to say. Harry shrugs and leans in closer. “I told her that our car broke down and we had to walk for hours here went all sob story on her and she gave us this for free.” He recounts, stuffing a piece of syrupy pancake in his mouth.

Louis laughs because of course Harry wasn’t flirting with her because he’s oblivious to people that are charmed by him and doesn’t realize the real reason the food is free. “Harry she wants to get in your pants that’s why you’re getting free food.” Louis says.

Harry chokes on the bacon that’s in his mouth which has Louis laughing all over again. “She does not.” He retorts, trying to regain airway to his lungs.

“Harry you are so fucking oblivious, how do you suppose you’re going to get a girlfriend?” Louis asks, working on devouring his pancake. Harry looks down suddenly, silently eating his food.

“M’not oblivious all the time, Louis.” Harry says so quiet that it makes Louis lean in to hear it. He freezes because he doesn’t know how to reply to that because Harry sounds really serious and he hopes he didn’t somehow offend him.

“Well then Harry, when are you not oblivious?” Louis challenges because he doesn’t know how he put Harry off and who cares anyway because Louis is still hurting, he’s always hurting.

Harry lifts his head this time, twirling his fork in the puddle of syrup on his plate. “You don’t know how great you are.” Louis blinks, what the hell is this, and whatever this is its making the too big boulder pay a visit.

“What are you talking about, Haz? I’m not that great.”

“See!” Harry remarks, “That’s what I’m talking about, you never accept compliments, you think your singing is horrible when it’s so beautiful, Lou, it really is. You say you’re crap at footie when you could play on a championship team, you say you’re not great with your sisters, but all I hear when you leave the room is how much they love spending time with you when you’re home and how much they love you. You say you’re a shit person, but you’re funny and caring and you tolerate me and my stupid mixes I make you and you are so talented; Lou I wish you’d see that.”

When Harry’s finishes Louis doesn’t know what to say. Butterflies are banging around inside him like they’re on crack and his face is heating up so much that he could probably bake cookies on it and he can’t look Harry in the eyes right now because he’d probably start crying because Harry is such a lovely person and Louis doesn’t deserve him as a friend.

“I love your mixes.” Louis say’s quietly, because that’s the only thing that manages to come out of his mouth.

Harry sighs and pulls his hands to his face. Louis frowns because he doesn’t understand why Harry is so determined about Louis believing in himself. I mean sure Louis isn’t always that positive, but still. He pulls gently at Harry’s arm to show his face.

“Harry, you’re too wonderful to me.” Louis murmurs, barely audible. He isn’t really good at complementing people at all and he’s afraid if he said anything nice to Harry that I’ll come out sort of like ‘I’m in love with you’ and that’s not really what best friends do.

Harry’s laugh is light as he says “I know, Louis.”  And they leave it at that as they continue to eat their breakfast for dinner.

 

 

They’ve finished their food and Harry is starting to hum ‘All I Want for Christmas Is You’ and Gemma still isn’t here. Not that Louis is complaining, I mean he’d spend the rest of winter break with Harry in this diner or even in his broken down car snuggled up in the back seat.

“Lou, what’s your favourite Christmas song?” Harry asks lazily, the side of his head resting on the table. Louis laughs “I dunno the one you’re humming.” He replies. Harry smirks and gets up from the booth.

_I don't want a lot for Christmas_

_There is just one thing I need,_

Harry starts to sing softly, overdramatically thrusting his arms out.

“Harry what the hell are you doing?” Louis asks quietly and oh god, oh god, Harry’s singing in some random diner and what the hell is he thinking.

_I don't care about the presents_

_Underneath the Christmas tree,_

He sings a little louder this time grabbing the attention of the two elderly ladies at the booth next to theirs.

“Harry.” Lou repeats not understand where Harry is going with this.

_I just want you for my own_

_More than you could ever know_

_Make my wish come true_

_All I want for Christmas is you, yeah,_

He saunters by the ladies table as he sings, earning him smiles and laughs in surprise at the random event.

_I don't want a lot for Christmas_

_There is just one thing I need_

_And I don't care about the presents_

_Underneath the Christmas tree,_

Harry keeps walking around the place, beautiful voice and all, attracting people’s eyes and not in a bad way as Harry does have the voice of an angel (wow Louis is just so far gone.)

_I don't need to hang my stocking_

_There upon the fireplace_

_Santa Claus won't make me happy_

_With a toy on Christmas Day,_

In seconds the nine other people in the diner are clapping along to Harry’s smoky voice and Louis thinks Harry has somehow gotten drunk off of maple syrup. Suddenly, Harry backtracks back over to Louis and whispers “Sing with me, Lou.”

Now even though there are only nine other people not counting the two of them in the room, doesn’t mean that Louis feels like going all out in a diner. “No, Haz.” Louis shakes his head more than enough times.

Harry huffs and in a flash he’s got Louis’ wrist in his yeti hand and it pulling him from the booth. Louis obviously fought against the strength of the giant, but to his disappointment he lost the battle.

“Hello ladies and gents! I hope you’ve enjoyed the song so far, but sadly I cannot continue my Christmas cheer. You see my friend here; he’s got an amazing voice, but refuses to sing with me. Now I ask you, would you like to hear this young lad carry a tune with me?” Harry’s announcement is followed by a chorus of ‘yes’s and some claps.

“Harry.” Louis hisses in his ear because Harry is wearing him down and it’s like a break out of Christmas carolers.

“Please?” Harry pouts, looking at Louis with those puppy dog eyes and fuck him because of course he’s going to sing now.

But he won’t be jolly about it.

With the nod of Louis’ head, Harry bursts into a wide toothed grin, ready to continue the song.

_I just want you for my own_

_More than you could ever know_

_Make my wish come true_

_All I want for Christmas is you_

_You, baby,_

The two boys sing, mixing their voices together again. Louis doesn’t look at anyone, but Harry up until the last line because he thinks it’s getting too intimate and he might throw up his pancakes.

_Oh, I won't ask for much this Christmas_

_I won't even wish for snow_

_And I'm just gonna keep on waiting_

_Underneath the mistletoe,_

Harry drags Louis across the diner, wrist still in hand around the people that are clapping along with smiles on their faces. It brightens Louis up a bit actually.

_I won't make a list and send it_

_To the North Pole for Saint Nick_

_I won't even stay awake to_

_Hear those magic reindeer click_

_'Cause I just want you here tonight_

_Holding on to me so tight_

_What more can I do?_

_Baby, all I want for Christmas is you_

_You, baby,_

Louis gets some resolve for himself and separates from Harry because Louis is a fun guy, he’s entertaining, he can do this without the guidance of Harry, he can sing in front of people that are not judging him, that are enjoying themselves.

He glides over to the two girls sitting at a table with the other three boys, and pops his head in between them, making them giggle and blush.

_Oh, all the lights are shining_

_So brightly everywhere_

_And the sound of children's_

_Laughter fills the air,_

Harry leaves Louis’ voice standing alone. Louis kind of hates that because it puts pressure on him to be not terrible and he does think he is quite terrible.

  _And everyone is singing_

_I hear those sleigh bells ringing_

_Santa, won't you bring me the one I really need?_

_Won't you please bring my baby to me?,_

Louis leaves Harry hanging, taking a little break to hum out the music that goes along to everyone’s hand clapping. He gives Harry a cheeky grin and it makes Harry stretch wide, bringing his dimples in for another appearance as he tries to sing around his smile.

_Oh, I don't want a lot for Christmas_

_This is all I'm asking for_

_I just want to see my baby_

_Standing right outside my door_

_Oh, I just want you for my own_

_More than you could ever know_

_Make my wish come true_

_Baby, all I want for Christmas is_

_You, baby,_

They join together again, Harry complimenting Louis and Louis complimenting Harry. Like chocolate and peanut butter or cookies and cream or other dynamics Louis can’t think about right now because he’s singing with Harry and he’d hate to admit that he loves singing with Harry.

_All I want for Christmas is you, baby,_

They repeat the line 4 times, people joining in around them. Louis meets Harry’s eyes that were already on him. He’s got this serious look in his eyes like he’s singing the song with meaning, but what meaning could this song have right now other than let’s just celebrate Christmas.

As they finish the song beside their booth, Harry leans in closer to Louis and says, his face determined about something, “Louis, I have to tell you something.” And Louis is terrified because what the hell is there to say that is so important in a snowstorm in a diner with 70’s décor.

He stops himself from biting his lip so to say “What is it?”

Harry looks away, out the window and out into the cold. “I was kind of like, singing to you.”

Louis opens his mouth, eyebrows twisted in confusing. What is Harry talking about, why would he be singing to Louis? It doesn’t register in his ears, but his heart on the other hand has other plans and starts beating fast enough and loud enough that he can hear it in his ears and the too big boulder he managed to swallow to his stomach is rising back up.  

“What are you talking about?” Louis doesn’t understand what’s happening, he doesn’t even let his mind think about it, doesn’t even let it fathom a dream of what that idea could entail.

Harry turns to face Louis again, eyes filled with something intense, he couldn’t quite put his finger on the emotion, but it was something that he’s seen many times with Harry. It wasn’t this much before though, he could sense something coming, but he didn’t know what it was.

Harry scratches the back of his neck, shifting his eyes around Louis and then coming back to meet his again, like an old friend. “Lou,” he starts, “Ever since we’ve met we’ve done practically everything together, it’s like I don’t experience something unless you’re there to experience it with me. I love going to the coffee shop around the corner to study with you, I love going to concerts with you, I love going to movies with you and you still go with me even if it’s some stupid romantic comedy or one of those indie ones that you hate.”

Louis doesn’t know where this is leading to, but his heart rate doesn’t go back down to normal, as he tries to process what Harry is saying.

“I love playing football with you even though I’m fucking shit at it, I love making mix CD’s for you, I love spending time with you, even if we’re not even doing anything. I love your eyes, I love your hair, I love your stomach even though you don’t, I love your damn toes for god sakes. To sum it up, I love being with you, and even though we’re trapped in this blizzard, in a diner  I don’t care where we are as long as I’m with you that’s enough. All that has fed this idea that I’ve had in my mind for years now and I’ve been meaning to tell you this for a long time.”

Louis feels like his heart stops and his head is pounding and his face is on fire and like the world has stopped spinning because this can’t be what he thinks it is because that’s not possible that is totally not possible.

“What idea is that?” Louis asks, a little breathless because somehow he feels like he’s just ran a marathon. Louis hasn’t dropped his eye contact with Harry, and he can see that thing, that feeling in that green, he can still see it and it makes his eyes a lovely shade of green.

“The idea that,” Harry clears his throat a little, “that, I’m in love with you.”

The too big boulder has grown into the size of a spaceship and has blasted off, out of him, setting his insides on fire. Harry just said, that he was _in love_ with him and everything that Louis has ever wanted that he never let himself think about rushes into his head like a flood, covering all the space and cracks in his mind because holy shit Harry actually just said ‘ _I’m in love with you’_ to Louis and how many times in his life are things in his life going to be as mind blowing as this.

With all the things happening in Louis mind and heart and soul and body right now the thing that comes out of his mouth is, “I thought you were straight.”

Harry blinks suddenly and gets a little of his composure back with a slight smile when saying “You’ve never asked.”

Louis is dumbfounded because of course he’s never fucking asked and just assumed the second he started having feelings for Harry because nothing ever works out for him. And of course he assumed when he had girlfriends in high school, and when he’s seen Harry be a flirt around girls.

A chunk of his brain has been opened and all of this is starting to make sense because he pushed the idea of him being with Harry to things that were as likely to happen as a unicorn. When he thinks back to high school and he’s had his girlfriend at the time he never seemed enthusiastic about them, or just ever said ‘ _Yeah, she’s nice_.’ Another thing that stuck in his mind, but he never really thought about was Harry with his winks, his cheeky comments, his sexual references including the both of them, his constant complimenting of Louis, and reassuring and the little touches on the back or the arm or the leg. Those were all things that should’ve shouted out to Louis that ‘ _hey maybe Harry likes you back._ ’ Because right then Louis groans and puts his face in his hands because he should’ve known, he totally should’ve known it was so obvious to him.

“I’m such a bloody idiot.” Louis murmurs into his hands because how can he face Harry right now when he’s been such a knob. Harry pulls at Louis’ hands, moving them away from his face, making Louis look up into Harry’s green eyes that are a shade of green that Louis has seen many times before when he was with him, talking to him, laughing with him and then he realizes. That shade of green is love, it’s not just love, it’s ‘ _in love_ ’, and it’s ‘ _I’m in love with you so much it hurts_ ’. In that moment Louis’ mind breathes a sigh of relief because that feeling he’s been bottling up has been etched onto Harry’s eyes and that makes Louis do something he wouldn’t have thought of doing in real life a minute ago.

Louis leans forward; closing the few inches of space between the both of them, not caring where they are and who’s around them and presses his lips to Harry’s. For a moment, Louis can tell that Harry’s in shock, but then he’s kissing back and it feels like something Louis has never felt before in his life and it makes his heart want to explode in his chest and for it to rain fireworks because this is what he’s been waiting for. This is that something that fills up the empty space in his chest and he thinks that it won’t need to be empty again because he’s got Harry and he whispers “I’m in love with you so much Harry, you don’t even know.” Against his plush and pink lips, foreheads pressed together. Harry smiles that smile that’s only saved for Louis and he thinks Harry’s eyes have turned into stars because they’re sparkling like they’re swimming with magic and then he thinks that snow doesn’t come close to magic anymore.

Harry’s hands wrap around Louis, squeezing them with feeling, and Louis squeezes back as they kiss again and he could never get sick of this, being with Harry, breathing him in, soaking him up, and every last bit of him that he could see or feel.

There’s a snapping sound coming from beside them and the both quickly break apart and turn their heads to the source.

None other than Gemma is taking a picture of Harry and Louis on her phone, smiling like maniac. “Finally! You guys are sickeningly cute, come on no making out in the car.”

As she makes her way to through the front door of the diner, the boys following behind Harry says, “How did you..?”

Gemma makes a sharp turn around, “Are you joking? Practically everyone has been waiting for you two to realize that you were in love with each other. Although I didn’t think you both were that dense for it to take this long.”

“Well why didn’t anyone bloody tell us then?” Louis remarks, following the Styles’ to the car. Gemma sighs, starting it up making the heat stream in. Harry and Louis are in the backseat as she turns to face the both of them.

“Mum said something about ‘ _letting them open their eyes and see for themselves_ ’ or some shit like that, I wanted to slap you in the face though and bring reality onto you both, but sadly it didn’t turn out that way.”

Harry laughs at his sister and Louis feels himself relax because yes everyone around them already knew, and yes it was a bit annoying waiting this long, but the only thing that matters to Louis right now is how Harry is rubbing his thumb across Louis’ hand as both of theirs are intertwined and the way Harry’s eyes are full of some sort of pixie dust that makes them glimmer like the most expensive jewels he’s ever seen.

(The ride home obviously had make out sessions in the backseat. “I swear I will pull this car over and throw you out in the fucking snow if you guys don’t stop swapping spit!”)

 

-   -   -

 

It’s the day after Louis’ birthday (so like Christmas) and Louis and Harry’s family are together in the living room, passing out presents. Louis calls Harry to attention by sticking his (badly) wrapped present in front of his face “Happy Christmas.” Harry chuckles, – still droopy eyed from waking up, – and slowly takes the present from him.

He un-wraps it probably slower than humanly possible (by Louis observation). Harry looks at it and his eyes grow big as he realizes what it is.

“You made me a mix?” Harry asks his eyes lighting up brighter than the lights strung around the tree. Louis nods, a smile creeping onto his face. He’s put all the songs that remind him of Harry on there and he was uncertain to actually give it to him for a Christmas present, but he said fuck it and put it under the tree.

“This is wonderful, I love it.” Harry grins, pulling Louis into a warm hug. Louis breathes in the feeling, the feeling of Harry and the feeling of this is all real this is really happening.

“You know,” Harry starts, his breath hot in his ear, “All I want for Christmas is, Lou.”

Louis groans and smacks Harry on the back of the head.

“Heeeey.” Harry whines, a smile still heard in his words.

“I can’t believe I’m stuck with you.” Louis jokes, while separating from the embrace, but instead nuzzling into the crook of Harry’s neck.

Harry takes a peak at Louis, catching his eye “You love me.” He whispers, touching a finger to Louis’ cheek.

And yeah, Louis does love Harry, he’s loved him for probably a lifetime and Louis can see the green of Harry’s eyes and he sees that shade of green and he’s named it ‘ _in love so much it hurts_ ’ because that particular shade of green is the one Harry gets when he looks at Louis and Louis knows that Harry loves him without even uttering a word.

 

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you guys liked it aaaand comment, give kudos, bookmark etc. and ill love you forever :) thanks for reading!


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